Momma at the beach while I was in the loony bin

   

 
     For a very long time I believed my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and I loved her so much!  Even when she left me in the loony bin and went on vacation to Miami beach for three months, meaning no visits or home visits for me, I didn't think anything of it.  It was clear that once my mother became a Seeley, and no longer a Hiatt, we Hiatt's were no longer her family, it was as simple as that.

     Last night I asked my baby sister, seen here with our mother, to send me a picture of my mom at the beach the year I "turned 15 in the loony bin"  so I could post it here. Julie is a real Jewel, she did it pronto.  I hadn't realized how it would effect me After all these years, I broke down and cried bitter tears.  I thought I had gotten over my mother's obvious unconcern for me.  Writing the book took four years to finish because it kept me in such a depressed state, it was crippling;  I had to put it down for months at a time.  I didn't think that just seeing my mother's picture enjoying herself spending a day at the beach while I was struggling to maintain my sanity would send me spiraling downward. 

     My granddaughter has suggested I add a picture of me just before the rape.  She says it shows how sad I was even before the incident. When I said that I was smiling in the picture, she replied, "  You were smiling, if you can call it that, but your smile didn't reach your eyes."