Annie

I have suffered from insomnia for most of my adult life.  The older I get, the less time I am able to sleep.  This could be because I also suffer from debilitating acute tendinitis, and degenerative disc disease.  I don't fall asleep, I pass out from shear exhaustion and never sleep more than an hour at a time.  I am woken up in agonizing pain. I don't make a habit of telling anyone about this because it's futile and really, who wants to hear it?  

 As 5:00A.M. was approaching this morning, I felt the familiar bobbing of my head and knew it was time to shut my computer off and go to bed.   I don't know what possessed me to do it, but before clicking on the shut down button, I thought to google search Annie once again.  I hadn't heard from her since November and she hadn't picked up the birthday card I sent her, and since we reconnected in September 2006 we emailed each other at least once a week.  I had google searched her name every week or two since November, the first two months she was MIA, to no avail and then, well, I guess it was easier for me to think maybe she had read my book and found something objectionable and got mad at me.  While that would have been totally out of character, I didn't really want to know the alternative scenario.  My concern for my dear friend got the better of me and so this morning I once again checked her out.  For the next hour I sat there feeling dizzy and sick and lost and numb as I stared at the newspaper clipping: 

 Annie M. age 72, former resident of New York, passed away in her sleep at home in  California on November 15th, 2011.

The only other person that I had a similar relationship with was my father and when he died in 1974, it was Annie who comforted me.  Now when I need her most, she's gone, and I'm never again going to get one of her Jacquie Lawson cards that say how proud of me she is.  Oh yes, I do have my little sister and my daughter and granddaughter, but with Annie, I was the kid, and frankly, I don't want to be the wise old lady all of the time.

As I wrote in my book, all I ever had to do was mention a need, and the next day, Annie would leave it on my nightstand.  Last year I happened to tell her that I really loved her cards, and what-da-ya know,  on my 61st. birthday, Annie sent me a two year subscription to Jacquie Lawson cards. So now, for the next year, I am going to have those cards to send, reminding me of Annie's generosity.  Heavy sigh, how am I going to make it through without her?

Here's another problem:  Annie is not her name.  When she saw the back of the first book on Amazon.com, she quickly wrote,  "I thought you said you were going to change my name to Annie."  I had forgotten that she didn't want her name out there.  So I told her not to worry, I would change it, it would be a pain in the butt, but I loved her and would honor her wishes.  Now, should I send her sister the book, or do I still keep her anonymous?  Annie was her sister's last living relative, other than her husband and kids.  I know they weren't too close, living in opposite ends of the country, but still.... I never thought to ask her if I could divulge her name once she was gone, I never imagined she would be gone before me.  

Well, I think I have come with a solution, since I no longer have Annie to vent to, I will not hold back anything, I will write it all here.   

   This was Annie's favorite, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"
Aloha dear, dear friend, <3 love to infinity<3